Thoughts on past, present and future

My Favorite Buddies!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!
So much has happened since I have been on here last. So much that it's almost too overwhelming to start from where I left off. Where was that... Halloween?!?!? yikes...

THANKSGIVING we went to Emerson Lake.

Nicolynn had fun in the leaves with Uncle Tony.

This fall we went for bundled up walks.

And we still made time for the park!

Nicolynn is starting to be a great baker!

And Christmas went well too :)

Tired Nicolynn in her Christmas outfit I made.

THOUGHTS ON PAST & PRESENT

Well most of you know, I have been sick. I think, more sick than I have ever been in my life, and more sick than I ever wish you be again. About 3 months ago I started throwing up at every waking hour of life. Every smell or thought of food made me puke or dry heave, not to mention the smell of diapers... even the clean ones! My kitchen was no man's land. I couldn't even walk into it without feeling my stomach turn. I swear I could smell through the fridge door, or even the bread in my cupboards. I was going crazy. And to go along with that my whole body was sore, mostly my breasts, and I was always tired.

(You guessed it... I'm pregnant again!!!!!)

So when I had a good moment or two to do things, I was not getting on my computer to blog and tell the world how sick I was. I was trying to spend time with Nicolynn as much as possible. She has been such a trooper!!! She is now my little cuddle bug. We sit on the couch together and watch way too much tv, but we also get to read lots of books. With all of our "down time" Nicolynn is learning her numbers and letters very well. She can name all the letters in the alphabet (except Q, she normally calls it an O) and she knows 1-10 if she reads them. So that is fun. She even knows there is a baby in mommy's belly. She rubs the baby sometimes and listens for it to talk to her. :) It's very cute, but she has no idea what is about to come her way. (I guess we don't either)

THOUGHTS ON PAST

Before Nicolynn was born, everyone told us, "no one can prepare you for having a child". I didn't have a clue what that meant. I now know what that meant... You really have to live through having a child and raising a child before you can begin to imagine all the stress, hope, fears, love and work you will go through. And everyone is different on how it affects them. For me, I found raising a child was anything but simple. I am a high stress person. If you look at me funny, I think you're mad at me and I'll freak out about. (normally my freaking out is done in private, to Josh, or with a close friend) So this high stress personality made things very difficult for me. The emotional aspect of being a mommy was so overwhelming. I felt so much love for my baby that it almost killed me. I felt so stressed out because I realized my new baby needed me. And at the moment that I began to realize that, my life started to change. I realized my own life was more valuable to me than it was before. I couldn't just jump off a cliff and hope not to break an arm on the way down, let alone die. I am needed, and my heart broke at the thought of not being there for the one who needed me most. That was my experience with my first. But no matter what, having a child does change you forever. It doesn't just change your life, but it changes you. 

PRESENT & FUTURE

I was just talking to a friend of mine about how it is so nice to never have to go through having your first child again. With that behind me, I know things I will do differently, and thing I will keep the same. I also now have the mind set of a mommy. It's a way I have evolved to not only survive, but to LOVE this new role I have in life. I love being a mommy more than anything. It defines who I am and what is important to me. And I am so glad that God has blessed me with this role. And I'm happy to do it again. I'm more scared this time than I was last time, because this time I know things I didn't know before. This knowledge scares me, but also prepares me. And I am looking forward to this. I'm not going to stress out about nursing like I did the first time, but in the early months I'm still going to isolate myself at home while I focus on my kids and amazing husband. I need my space, even though it seems like I will be living in a cocoon. But that's how I'll survive.

Right now I'm 17 weeks pregnant, and so far, I have been living in a cocoon during my pregnancy. I'm just starting to feel better. I haven't been throwing up for the last few weeks, but I'm still nauseated. (Not like before though) So when people ask, I am doing great. :)
The doctor says I'm doing great, and right on schedule. We're going to find out the gender soon, and I have NO IDEA what we're having. And I can't wait to find out. I think I'm more excited to find out this time than I was last time. Either a boy or a girl will be great. I have almost everything I need for a girl, and if it's a boy... HELLO GARAGE SALES!!!